I have never been much for writing. I do not feel as though it can adequately express the tone of voice that is necessarily intended. It always worries me that words might be read into more than anticipated, or worse yet, not enough. There are many things I have never been a fan of until I met you. You are the first to ever really get me to smile for a camera, and the first to get me to eat a drumstick. Oh what I wouldn’t give to see you grin. On that note I would love to tell you a bit of what you mean to me.
Tomorrow is the 31st of May. It will mark nine years to the day that my life changed forever. I was never entirely comfortable around other people or even in my own skin. Then I met you. In that moment as you grimaced noticeably uncomfortably, I felt for the first time sated. You were easy to talk to, though I had the impression that you didn’t feel the same way. In nineteen years I had feelings for gals, but never even to the point of puppy love. With you it was different. I thought I loved you then.
For years I was across the seas serving our Lord. There are many reasons to serve: out of fear, out of love, and out of hope for reward among them. I hope that I served well out of love for our Heavenly Father and for our brothers and sisters. There was a tiny part of me that secretly sought reward. That reward was to be you. I prayed quietly each night that you would be safe, feel loved, and be prepared for the great things ahead of you. I’m sure that I couldn’t have kept from Him how much I wanted me to be ahead of you.
On my return home and a few turns down the road my dream girl became the girl of my dreams. I love that I feel your breath on my neck as I sleep, it warms my heart. I could never have imagined how wonderful these years could have been. The Lord never could have shown me what a life I might have had as I’m sure I couldn’t have believed it. I steal glances at you and think about us growing grey together. You are so beautiful at sixty, I wish you could see.
I wish I could show you what I hope is coming for us, but I don’t imagine you could believe me either. In the now I am so blessed to have you as my best friend, my wife, and mother to our dear babies. Every time I see one of them smile I love you more.
I know we have stumbled a time or two along the way. In reality it is more me falling and you stopping to dust me off. I am heartbroken that I have not been as sweet to you each and every day as I might have been. I would always want one more day with you and I should be better at acting as such.
I hope you can forgive me for all of my shortcomings, including the random blathering you find before you now. Words never seem to say enough.
I thought I loved you when we were babies. Heaven only knows how the Lord might teach me how to love you years from now into the eternities. I hope that I can be the man you deserve and that you might continue to help me live up to what flicker of light you must have seen in me.
Feelings have never been easy to fall from my lips. It is far simpler to imagine that I just haven’t any at all. I will admit that I was never sure how love was supposed to go. I looked everywhere from when I was a child trying to figure it out. I think that I understand now why I never found it, I had yet to find you. I imagine that love is different to everyone, and perhaps at different times. What I would do is to love you the way you love me. In your eyes is a fierce devotion that I try so hard to replicate. You love so perfectly, as though you had special tutoring from above before we came.
Please keep loving me… forever and three days…
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