Monday, July 21, 2014
I just heard a huge thump upstairs. I am listening. My desk chair is situated just below Maddox's bed. He isn't fussing, I can hear his feet & bed frame creaking. I imagine he is in twilight, that magic place where wake meets sleep as he slides back between the sheets to return to his dreamy slumber. I think what it would be like to dream worry free like a child again. I worry about these 5 little people that have been entrusted in my care, in my arms, in my heart. I feel a tremendous amount of guilt when they go to bed with dirty feet from outside play. ridiculous things like that can seem so much bigger after dark when I contemplate their paths in life. Where will those feet take them? I know where I would like them to go. & that leads to endless lists of things I should do better tomorrow. I should read an extra book, sing an extra song, give an extra kiss, not forget to brush their teeth after pancakes or wash their feet at bedtime. I am a mom in the making. 10 years & I still wake every morning wondering how I am going to make the day work, but not just work, be warm & wonderful, & every night I find myself asking how it all worked out for another day. They are so patient with me. So forgiving of my mistakes. I can feel like the worst of the bad mothers & Britt will crawl up beside me snuggle into me & with that nasally voice of his say "Mommy your the best Mom ever. I'm so glad you are mine. & you cook good food too." that nasally voice that talks in circles just grabs at my heart. I'm not perfect, but I'm giving it my best shot.
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Last week I was an emotional wreck of a mother. Sometimes that happens. But the weekend was nice with a spontaneous lunch with neighbors & Sunday happened to be particularly uplifting. We kicked off this week with a trip to a natural spring fed pool. The pool, park & picnic was definitely a hit. We brought along Tre's buddy N. Tre loved having him by his side all day. Us ladies even got brave & did the rope swing. & Ill tell ya. I'm paying for it BIG time tonight! My neck is just about ready to give up on me all together. & to think I thought I was athletic. I stand corrected! I screamed like a crazy person because it was all I could do to make myself jump each time. The things we do for our kids! They loved seeing their mommy's swinging from a rope & plunging/belly flopping/dropping into the spring water. I handed the camera off to Tre to capture us crazy people. We sure have fun together. When these babies are all grown up & we no longer can hear their voices in the yards I am certain they will have fond memories of their childhood friends. & I will too.