Im home.
Baby girl is still safe inside.
My baby boys are near by. sleeping soundly.
The Bad:
3 days of 2 IVs, mnay blood draws, fetal moitors,& shots.
An overnight at the hospital & away from the boys.
Contractions & early dialation.
Feeling defeated & scared.
Rod being accross the country...THE WORST!
The Gospel:
The past few days have been busy.
Im ready to take a deep breath, but not much has changed.
Contractions are still coming & I just cant seem to understand my body.
We are not getting along right now.
I like to try to take on the world alone.
I think I can do it all!
But this time I cant.
Rod is gone. I have 3 little guys & need to watch out for sweet baby too.
People joke that I dont let anyone help me.
It actually pains me to recieve help.
I feel like a burden or a bother. (I know Im not alone in this feeling.)
I am learning to deal with that.
Good friends are teaching me that part of what our father in heaven would have us learn here is to help others AND recieve help.
Its hard to let people watch our kids, make meals, care.
But they do it anyways.
I am grateful!
The Sowbys all slept here last night with the boys, & brought groceries & meals.
Taralyn stayed by myside at the hospital on 2 occasions & let me break her hand on IV 2.
Laura has been willing to do anything at all.
& Tamsyn has let me cry about silly hormone driven ideas even though her plate is full.
The Morgans insist on making dinner & helping me learn to surender to service.
Holly has offered to clean my bathrooms because I am OBSESED.
Med wives have wanted to take the boys off my hands.
Sister Locke, my relief society President has stopped by with pen & paper to ask what I need. & has even tried to bribe T into helping a bit more. (I do love a good bribe!)
The bishop & his sweet wife have been on top of it all.
I was given a blessing.
& all the while I have hated that I need help. I need to knock that off.
I am learning that this is a part of the Lord's gospel... to assist those in need yes, but also to accept it when its neccisary.
some lessons are not easily digested. But Im learning.
My heart is full. I never feel unloved.
8 comments:
Jenni, We are praying for you and baby girl! How blessed you are to have so many wonderful friends to be there for you in tough times like this.
With respect to asking/needing help, it's hard to shift our mindset and habits they can be so deep-seated. But perhaps this might be something to ponder: Asking and receiving help from others is an act of kindness and love, because it is through giving that we are all blessed and that we change, and when you refuse to ask or to receive, you deny others the gifts that come through service. You are worth their help, just as they are of yours when you serve them.
Much love!
jenni. you know I would be there helping you if I could too. thinking and praying about you.
i felt the same way you did. then my mom got too sick and I knew i couldn't do it all. even when we think we can, it's not always true. people love you. and want to help you. i can only imagine that this chapter has been a struggle on so many levels. but remember what is most important. and focus on that.
love you lady.
jen- check your hotmail email. a personal message between you and I.
I'm sorry to hear you've been having a rough time! :(
As a mother, you're in the 'All giving, No receiving' mode. But remember, there's more happiness in giving than receiving! So you have to let other people have their chance to be happy giving too! :) I hope things get better! Thinking of you! :)
Jenni,
I am so sorry that things have been so rough. I totally know what you mean. I think all women think that we can take on anything and everything that is thrown our way. But the honest truth is sometimes we cant. I love your bright testimony and how strong you are. You help me get through my tough days. We will be praying for you and your little ones. Lots of love, The Binghams
I can't imagine all that you're going through... I am SO sorry! I wish I could help too (even though its hard to accept it). You are strong and your recognition of blessings in the midst of trials is a gift. Thanks for sharing your testimony with us! We'll be praying for you.
Hospital trips suck! All I can say is things are going to be okay! And bed rest sucks too but you'll make it through... I know it. You really are a fighter and chances are your baby girl is too. I'll be thinking of you and you will be in my prayers.
We are praying for you and your baby girl and your sweet boys! I'm soo thankful you have so many wonderful people in your life to help you out! I wish I were closer...so I could help too!
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