Sunday, February 02, 2014

After being told Presley was a boy during several ultrasounds I remember feeling peace. I even laughed. My mother cried. She wanted a baby girl for me so badly. I understand now why. My mother is my dearest friend. I think she wanted me to have that too with a daughter one day. The day Presley turned out to be in fact a girl was one of mixed emotions..surprisingly. If anyone should be ecstatic to be having a daughter it should be me. Truth is I mourned that little boy who I imagined would be named Nixon (not after Richard mind you.) All my dreams had been blue.  It took me a bit to push that aside and really embrace that I was now a mother of that daughter I had so long for. Presley was pink and perfect and full cheeked when she was born. I remember thinking how much she looked exactly like my own 1st day baby pictures. She was mine. Her demeanor was still and quiet. Calm & content. She hardly cried that 1st year. She was wide eyed and soaked in her brothers as they ran across the large grassy lot on the side of our 2 bedroom home. She wore big bows and flowers on her head, never taking them off, a girly mothers dream. She napped and slept well always awaking with a smile and bright eyes. I imagined her always being that. Still & quiet. Calm & content. I think I forgot that even little girls become 3. Presley today is all but still & quiet. She is not even a bit calm & is hardly ever content. & yet I love her. She gets hives (no really. hives!) if baby cooper even looks at her, She screams when people say her name, she causes scenes and yet I love her. I think she may have been meant to be an only child. Someone, somewhere got confused and sent her cute/crazy little spirit into our very busy family of brothers. I feel sad a lot when I think of Presley because I know she does not put fourth her best self at church or speech or school parking lots of grocery stores, or anywhere really. I'm not sad for me. I am sad that onlookers do not get to see those moments behind the scenes. When she copies the way I stand in the kitchen while I prepare dinner, like a flamingo. When she has to give me the 3 step hello/goodbye/nighty night. It starts with the hug, then the kiss and finally the most important part-the high five! When she sings during bedtime song & prayers. When she will instantly stop storming if given a warm embrace accompanied by a soft back rub. When she helps (or tries to) fold laundry or wipe counters "just like mommy." When she prays through every ones prayers with her arms folded and her eyes shut tight. When she won't stop waving goodbye to Madds' bus till it is completely out of sight. When she will twirl and twirl and make me twirl right along with her till we both are dizzy and giggling.  I wish people could see that part of my girl. Its those moments that assure me that inside that stormy girl of ours is that calm baby.  I am willing to wait out the storm for the calm. Because I love her (and 3 year olds are not 3 forever. THANK GOODNESS!) 


allegra said...

Oh that was so sweet and real. I love that you portray realness not always perfection. It's refreshing for sure. I can feel how much love you have for your kiddos and that's what draws me to your blog. 3 is rough, that's for sure. Ruby was SO hard some days. I wanted to run away sometimes haha. She's so beautiful just like you.

Ava said...

She's a beauty! So cute! Everyone keeps telling me to be grateful that I only have boys, but I disagree! A girl would be so fun, even though they are a whole different type of work! :) Ps. I've been so busy and haven't been keeping up with checking your blog! I enjoyed reading through them this morning. Your kids are so cute. The little ones make me miss the cute baby stage so much!! Glad to see your family doing well.

Kim-the-girl said...

OH, three! I hear ya on this one!!! It is tough! This record of her life will be such a treasure for her when she has her own 3 year old! :)

marie said...

She is a LOVE! Full of beauty and spirit!

Proudly designed by Mlekoshi playground