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Monday, March 04, 2013



Its late.
Rod is working a night shift dealing with gun shot wounds and other late night mishaps.
5 little ones are asleep. some snoring, some quiet.
The house is still.

Cooper had his neurology consult today. 
Originally the referal was for his apnea.
But as the Drs looked him over it became about a lot more.
His social/interactive mile stones are not being met.
the reason...
The Drs think he may have vision impairments.
I was light hearted & really did not take the appointment too seriously until 
the Dr. pulled out a bag of toys.
She quickly moved toys just a smidge from his eye lashes 
first side to side and then away and towards.
faster & faster
to attempt a response.
not a blink.
not a moment of focus on the bright red toy.
nothing.
nothing.
nothing.
I held my breath.
My heart sank into my belly.
We left with 3 more referrals
which means 3 more appointments.
I am anxious to hear that all is well, as I am prayerfully hoping they are. 
Until his appointment to evaluate his sight I am going to 
keep holding his hand because he loves that and its a sure way to calm him.
Im going to keep kissing his neck because it makes him squirm.
& I am going to keep whispering in his ear that I am here. 

Motherhood is such a roller coaster.





12 comments:

princess buttercup said...

He's beautiful and has gorgeous eyes, whether they have perfect vision or not. Hang in there Momma.

Kim-the-girl said...

Oh Jenni. You are such a great momma! I have tears in my eyes reading your sweet words. No matter what you find out, Cooper is one blessed baby boy to have you!

Meghann said...

Oh Jenni! We'll be praying that everything turns out perfectly for Cooper. I know God has it all in control!

Holly Jones said...

Oh Jenni my heart aches for you. Cooper is so lucky to have you for his mommy!

Lance and Em said...

Jenni and Rod- We know no words will help ease the uncertainty right now. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with your beautiful family and sweet Cooper.

Lance and Emilee Cannon

allegra said...

Oh Jenni i'm so sorry!!! It can't be easy to hear something might be wrong and it always seems to come at the most unexpected times. He is a beautiful baby and I will pray things will work out. Keep your chin up cute girl.

865knoxville said...

Hi, I'm a lurker who stumbled upon your sweet blog through some sort of crafty thing - I'm not even sure how! I am from Knoxville, TN and loved seeing pictures of home and I have kids around the same age as yours. I dropped in today expecting to see pictures of your cute family or some craftiness and it took my breath away to see your post about your sweet little guy. My daughter is being tested for some medical conditions and I know how challenging it is to feel like your world is spinning out of control. As someone of faith - I know that God is control and I cling to that. But am continually humbled when I'm reminded so. I'm sure it's hard to even have time to process it all while running a household (perhaps a blessing in disguise?). Know that you are in peoples thoughts and prayers!

Kalen said...

Jenni, my heart is breaking for you!!! I hope you find better news in your next three appointments. No momma wants to hear bad news about their babies. We are praying for you & little Cooper! Stay strong. God has a plan!!! <3

Kacee said...

Sweet little Cooper. We're thinking about you at the Carlson house!! Please let me help you with your other kiddos for your appointments. I would be happy to keep your other cuties so that Cooper can have your full attention at the doc. I'd love to help.

marie said...

Kacee, you are so kind and I love that you reach out to Jenni when she needs it most. I'm not able to be there as much as I like and to know that she has a friend like you it makes it much easier for me and her father. God Bless you..
p.s. When she says NO she really is saying yes because she doesn't want to put anyone out, so keep asking please..

Ava said...

Thinking of you and your little one! The unknown can be so frightening. I hope that your appointments go well and you are able to get answers quick. He is in the perfect home to have all the love and support he needs. I wish I lived close and could help out. Thinking of you and so sorry you have to face this. xoxo

Amy Houseman said...

Prayers for your precious Cooper!! Love you!!!!

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