Thursday, December 18, 2014

I have been really down lately. I have 5 wonderful children, but they are growing and rather quickly. I see Mom's at the bakery or market with 2 sometimes 3 little pre school ages children. They are young & glowing with the excitement of the start of their young family. I see them with little babies in carriers & my stomach tightens. That was me. I just had babies. Little children in my care. Now I have a ten year old. I am not that young Mom. I mean I am young. Young to have a 10 year old compared to many, but I am not a new mom anymore. I used to think I was so excited to have all my children in school. I thought i would want to go to the gym more, nap, have lunches with friends. But its coming at me like a freight train & I cannot run fast enough away from it. The thought of Cooper starting pre school in 2 years is devastating. Those naps and workouts that i thought sounded so appealing no longer seem desirable. So what does that mean? Do I want to fill this nest with more babies to keep me young & with pre school aged babies? I do not know. I am in such a weird chapter of my life. It feels like I am way in over my head. You know that song from Annie where miss hanging is singing "little girls, little girls, everywhere i turn there is little..." I swear I feel that way with boys most days. Swimming in dirty footprints & school papers. Not to mention the emails from certain kindergarten teachers who I swear is out for my blood! Its a lot to deal with, but I still have that yearning for babies. & so I juggle between drowning in children & wanting more children. It flip flops from moment to moment. Lots of my friends from high school are now just starting to have their 1st or 2nd babies, my social media is birth announcement after birth announcement. How am I supposed to fight off the baby hunger with all these sweet fresh to the world faces in my feed? But like I said...I have a 10 year old now. TEN. Its crazy! When he was born I was clueless & weepy & not sure I would ever really feel connected to this new squishy faced baby, but it happened. At 3am mid nursing session with princess diaries or elf or sense and sensibility...something...playing quietly on the TV...I fell head over heels in love with his rose cheeks, his blue eyes & his sweet sweet disposition. He loved to be held & so I did just that..I held him. Every moment of every day. He slept in the bjorn on my chest while i did classwork or I washed dishes, cooked dinners. I walked him everywhere. I was so proud to be a mom & so I took him out in public every second I could so everyone else could ohh & ahhh over his smiles & belly laughs. & They did. Everyone commented on MY baby! I loved it. He loved it. That time in my life was magical. It was often just me & Tre. We were a pair. Ten comes with its joys. Tre is so helpful & smart  brilliant, he is a leader in his school with student council & he was invited to be on the math team, & choir & fitness club & goes on. There is a wall at his school that says "HO Elementary leaders." Tre is in 4 out of the 6 pictures. The only reason he isn't in the others is because he is not yet a 5th grader. Ten is also tricky it means lots of "talks" about "changes" & no one told me how sensitive 10 year old boys can be! yikes. But He is worth all of it! I cannot imagine a better son to make me a mother & help me learn along the way. He is a dream of a child. Everyone refers to him as our angel. They are not wrong.

For T's 10th birthday Rod & I really wanted to do something special for him. The last 3 birthdays have been pretty lame. He was sick with the flu last year & the 2 previous years Rod was gone (okay so its been 4 years that Rod has been gone) & we didn't do much of anything. This year we told T wad a surprise planned but that he wouldn't know till after school on the day of his birthday. We wrapped up 4 packages. each had a clue for him. for example one was 4 hats to the local NBA team, the next was a basketball, the next parking passes at the city's NBA arena. He was so excited when he put it all together & figured out I was taking him & his 3 best friends & a mom to keep me company & sane to a basketball game. We had a great time! We stopped at T's 2nd favorite burger place, the boys played a game their on a phone called "heads up" so funny. then we made it to the game & had a great time cheering & trying to get on camera. Tre has such good friends. They are all pretty amazing! I took pictures of the night on my phone because lugging a big camera to a game sounded not fun. Ill have to get those on here at some point, but for now these are the pictures from the day & the unwrapping of the clues. Also he loves cream cheese raspberry pie.

1 comment:

Kim-the-girl said...

I can't agree with this more!! This is a weird pause of life! I don't feel like I fit anywhere, I still have preschoolers but not being a new mom makes a huge difference. And the desire for more babies...will it ever fade completely? No idea... Sounds like Tre had a great special day. You're such a good mom!

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