When clicking through each picture of these little babies I was hit by a wave of emotion. School starts in just a few weeks. Coop goes to kinder. Britt goes to Middle. 2 very big milestones. And that leaves me home. Alone. I have been thinking about what I will do. I am sure I will find myself at the schools more now that I do not have a baby at home. I have ideas, dreams, but honestly non of them seem to compare to what I just did for 13 years. I stayed with my babies. I kissed every bonk, I poured every glass of chocolate milk. I kept them safe. They were in arms reach and I loved every single second of it. Sure their were tears of exhaustion and doubt, but I soaked in even those moments and I hold them here. They are sacred. I was the one to fix the broken toys, check for monsters in the closet, read books. I have built them up for these steps in life. I have built them up so they can be strong and brave, and confident. I am not ready for the close of this chapter. My heart feels like concrete in my chest. Letting them go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, but equally rewarding. I hope they stand strong. I hope they are brave and confident in the beautiful spirits they are.
Coop is incredibly ready. He is smart and he is aware. Britton is my quiet & intelligent one. Sending our Britt to middle school make me uncertain. Britt has challenges that others his age cannot relate to or understand and my mother heart aches at the thought that others will not see the incredible miracle he is. He loves so deeply. I saw it in him the very first moment my eyes met his. He did not cry when the nurse handed him to me. he just blinked up at me so still and so quiet. Rod & I both said he would be our sweetest. He gives more to me than I could ever return. He makes my heart melt. The past year and few months has been a constant reminder of how incredibly loved we are by our Father in Heaven. We have had fear, prayer, sleepless nights, ups & downs, questions answered and questions unanswered, but we are all here and standing. I know its the past year that makes it harder to let him move up to new teachers, new staff, new kids, new routines. I just want to make all the edged soft, the dark sports bright for him. He deserves the best. They all do! We are going to soak in these last few weeks before all of us take another step forward together.
